boy 1 boy 2

boy 1 loved me, I didn't love him at first

I loved boy 1, we fuck

Boy 1 is an asshole, I move one

Boy 2 is amazing

Boy 1 hates Boy 2 because I moved on

Boy 2 stays dysfunctional but great

Boy 2 gets killed

Boy 1, one year later tries to get me

Plays with my poor broken heart

Boy 1 broke my heart once, boy 2 broke my heart by being gone

THEN BOY 1 HAS THE BALLS TO COMEBACK AND BREAK MY HEART AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so emotionally fucked all I think is of them...

I told boy 1 i cant have my heart broken again i could barley take it the first time, it took a year to say the name with out crying and I barley say his name to make sure I dont cry.

I hate boy 1

boy 1 brought the destruction that is happening in my life 

NEXT

Next one please dont break my heart... I still am not over the last one. almost ruined. no chance i can survive another one.

SKINS

Hey! 

how the hell do I watch whatever episode of "skins" never seen it before ad it made me want to run away like that litttle girl

although I am at home not allowed to do anything and I am 23 damn years old! But I just got a job and I am buying this new car. My life is becoming ADULT. I had my run away moment at college. But damn I miss my lost kids.

I will make it

fuck titles hate it

I HATE YOUUUUUU. I HAVE NEVER HATED SOMEONE SO MUCH.

i think I hate the thing that took you but clearly it wont be found so I hate you.

I treated you like shit

I got mad

You treated me like shit

I got mad

you were a whore.

I was too

I just did not think you would be gone like this

even if I hated you I should be able to talk to you. 

n i cant anymore.

I hate you.

Its beyond HATE.

I am 23 years old I finally graudated university.

I am an alcoholic.

I love my friends

but I feel so far from them.

I love my family

but I torture them

this is prob my 2nd or 3rd xanga blog. 

I HAVENT CHANGED.

and my mom keeps telling me to take the medicine my doc perscribes.

I dont believe it will work so I have hundred of pills I lied about taking. and I never made it past two weeks of taking it.

ive decided that deep down i feel like I need to be miserable.

WHY else would I be like this.

why else do I let my self stay like this.

im useless.

i cry about it a lot.

 I love this cuz I can say it feel like i am telling someone. with out telling someone and worry about the judging. even though I know my friends love me also to death. I can not do it.

I am garbage.